I found reading Stars in my Pocket like Grains of Sand a very challenging book for me to understand. While I understood the main scenery and concepts of the different planets interacting together, it was hard for me to grasp the interactions of the people and the different things living on the planets. It is clear to me that Samuel R. Delany wanted to challenge our typical cultural views of sexuality and gender. In Rhyonon where Rat Korga is from, you are allowed to have sex with another “male” when you are over the age of twenty seven. In another planet called Velm where Marq Dyeth is from, you are allowed to have sexual relations with any gender. In the United States, gay marriage was just legalized. While the gay couples are allowed to get married, acceptance of these couples is only slowly getting adapted. I think after reading Stars in My Pocket Like Grains of Sand, I have come to realize that the different in acceptance in different sexuality between the book and present day is our present day reliance on gender norms.
In the book, the difference between male and female is ambiguous. Everyone is referred to as a “she” and you only refer to someone as a “he” if you want to have sex with someone. In fact, sometimes I could not tell if characters in the book were male or female because Marq did not specify. Because gender in this universe is standardized between males and females, it evens the playing field in terms of gender identities. Therefore, homosexuality is accepted and deemed normal because it is not within in the gender norm to have to be attracted to someone of the opposite sex. Furthermore, the difference in gender norms in Velm has changed the dynamic of their home life. Two males can be the parents, or two females, or a mix between humans and other creatures. If you are a parent, then they use the term “mother” regardless of sex. Our gender norms in today’s world would never be able to accept a male as a “mother” figure because in many cultures, the mother and father have different roles in the home. Thinking about it now, our strict following of gender norms can sometimes limit us as people, or parents. Sometimes a father might not want to cry in front of his kids because he is supposed to be the strong family member who everyone else is supposed to lean on. I believe that understanding the characters and their interaction with each other was so hard for me to understand because of the engrained gender norms in the culture that I have grown up in. Reading this book made me wish our gender norms would not be as powerful, because it would mean wider acceptance of sexuality for homosexuals. When Delany wrote this book, gay marriage was not legal and was not accepted by many. I think it is very interesting that Delany wrote this book involving the sexual desire between two “males” because of the criticism he would have received. It makes me believe that Delany understood that one day, the barriers of our gender norms would be challenged to release the tensions of our gender and sexuality and form a more accepting world.